Life is confusing. Life is anything but stable. And no matter how hard you try, life is never going to be a serie of successive happy event. In fact, some might live their whole lives without ever finding happiness. Because what is happiness supposed to be: a constant, stable state of pleasure. They say happiness wouldn’t exist if it wasn’t because of pain. It is only this contrast between the two opposite that makes happiness desirable. What would be pleasure without pain, or pain without pleasure?
However, life is still tiring. Life sucks all the energy from your body, Life is such a pain for those who think too much as much as those who don’t think at all. All the inspiration is gone now. How is it sometimes that you have all the words to express how you feel, but at the moment of delivering them, they are just lost in the air? like they have never existed. But yet they did. Sometimes I think that if the Big Bang didn’t happen, there would be no suffering, no pain, no pleasure, nothing. Nought. Instead, we are here, and by God’s will, we have to survive in this world frustrated, tormented and deluded by both pleasure and pain. Because he exist, I know that. I just don’t understand the purpose of all this play that we are all acting in. It would have been easier if we could talk to God, if he could give us the support we need to carry on, if he could give more meaning to this universe. They say you go to pray. Prayer appease you. Yes, true. But you don’t get any questions answered. Sometimes you just feel that God is not even looking at you. Or has forgotten you. And that moment, you want to look at the sky (because you think God is somewhere there), and just shout “God, I am here”. Then you feel like he has other things to do, and he is watching us all being miserable and struggling with life, sitting on his golden throne. And we will never know how does he look like? How does his voice sound? What does he think of us? Does he love us? Then why are we so tormented? What is love anyway?
Feelings are to most of us a subject of amazement and mystery. They are ruling the world.They interweave, they go from one extreme to another without prior notice. You will never be sure about them. Certainty is relative. You cannot even be sure of your tastes. Today you love something or someone, then tomorrow you get enough of it. They will leave you thinking all night about death and life. They will make you feel secure, then unsecure. Secure again, then unsecure. You will feel the strongest person on earth, then, the most miserable. They will basically do that all your life, and even if you find peace of mind at some point, and you are not lucky enough to die when you find it, then it will continue to bring you up and down like a roller coaster.
Z Wonderland 